958 Word – Approx. Reading Time 3.5 Minutes
Life is not fair. It never has been. It is a challenge to stay positive when life is working against us. We can play by the rules, follow God, eat right, pray, exercise and treat others with respect; and still encounter problems that bring us to our knees. When it happens to me a voice deep within whines, “This is not fair.”
I’m learning a skill to get over the pity party I’m tempted to throw. I’m learning to lean into partnerships God has provided for these unfair events. Let me define what I mean by partnerships.
First, not all friends are partners. However, a true partner is always a friend. Second, partnerships exist for different reasons, but they don’t exist for me to dump my feelings of entitlement. And third, partners have different levels of involvement to support me through the God-given task that is rubbing me the wrong way.
A true partner shares in the risks of life. Each risk comes with a struggle and the possibility of two outcomes: failure and success. Partners stick around in the struggle and stay no matter the outcome. They do not just share the same values and believe the same doctrines. It is much deeper than that. They bleed, laugh, cry, pray and rejoice with me to overcome darkness and make the world a better place. Friends do not always do this, but partners do.
The Bible uses a word that colors in and fills up the relationship I call partner. The word is koinōnia and one translation of this word is partnership. The Apostle Paul, filled with emotion, used this word to describe his relationship with a group of people:
In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now…1
When Paul penned these words, life had not been treating him fairly (in fact, I bet there are some who would make the argument God had not treated him fairly). He was in prison, charged with acts of terrorism against the emperor of Rome. His crime was preaching, “Jesus is Lord.”
He could have written words fueled by self-pity promoting himself as a victim. He could have shared bitter words calling for justice. He could have whined about life not being fair, but he didn’t. Instead, he thought of the partners God had given him. He recalled the names and faces of those who risked following Christ with him. He remembered their shared experiences of being mistreated when they partnered with him to live for Christ.2 Detained and confined, his mind went to the partners God had placed in his life. Instead of feeling alone, mistreated and defeated, he experienced joy and prayed for them.
Almost three years ago, Cherry and I adopted two brothers. We chose them. We loved them. We brought them home. One of them has become part of the family; the other has not (at least not yet). I can’t tell you how many times my heart has cried, “This is not fair.” It’s not fair that we chose him, but he has not chosen us. It’s not fair that we love him, but he does not love us. It’s not fair that we care for him and he cares not for us. His rejection is not fair.
It’s easy to think…Poor me. Look at how I’m being mistreated…and let my victim mentality become the filter for my mood. It is just as easy to rant…“God, why are You letting this happen?” Here my inner entitlement issues reveal that I believe I should be exempt from challenges because I did a good thing. Both ways of thinking are wrong and do nothing but rob me of joy.
However, when I focus on the partners God has provided for this season of life, the individuals who are standing by me and with me, my inner victim voice and my claims to a more fair life are silenced. Another voice begins to rise. It is the voice of joy. It reminds me God has called me to do something and I am not alone. Joy brings to my mind the names and faces of those praying and helping. I am reminded that my feelings of self-pity are useless to accomplish God’s plan for my son.
Joy reminds me that God is not finished. The relationship (the one between me and my son) is not complete. God started something and He is not done. It will require many people to accomplish this God-given task, but have no doubts…He is on it. How do I know this? Look at the end of Paul’s sentence:
In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.3
When the task is completed these partners who surround me will rejoice with me and move on to other God ordained projects. The partners are proof that God is actively involved in what I am calling unfair; and that is cause for joy. I’m learning this as I walk through the complexities of adoption. Signing the papers was easy. Living out what was signed is requiring partners and God is faithfully providing.
He is doing the same for you. I’m not special. Stop listening to your victim voice. Stop feeling entitled to a better life. Look for the partners He has provided. Experience joy and enjoy a better mood.
1- Philippians 1:4-5, 2- Acts 16:11-40, 3- Philippians 1:4-6