No wife is responsible for her husband’s happiness. This post is not about what wives should be doing to make their husbands feel better. However, there are things a wife can do that will move her husband to be a better man. How do I know? Because my wife does them for me.
Here is what she does that makes a difference:
1) She prays for me.
I don’t mean that she just mentions me when she prays. No, she pays attention to the details of my life and takes them to the Lord. For her to do this, she must be aware of my motivations in life. She has to watch, probe, and listen.
There are days I don’t make this easy. I can be difficult, guarded, and quiet. I can let my frustrations, disappointments, and failures become walls. I don’t intentionally shut her out, but that is what walls do. I’ve noticed in these moments she does not use dynamite to break through. No, she prays the wall down.
How did I discover her secret weapon of prayer? Several years ago, I found a book beside the bed. It was titled The Power of a Praying Wife. I thumbed through it and read the prayers she was praying for me. I knew then she was doing something that was making a big difference in my life.
Through the years she has written down prayers and left them for me in places where she knew I would find them. In the heat of battle or in the mundane routines of life, I would find a folded piece of paper, open it and read the prayer she penned for me. My walls would start to crumble. My perspective would change. Hope would rise. Frustration would lose its grip.
Wife…don’t underestimate the power of praying for your husband. It will rock his world.
2) She learned my love language…and uses it.
The term “love language” comes from the author, counselor, and pastor Dr. Gary Chapman. The idea is that each person has a “language” that speaks directly to their heart. The goal is to discover the language of the person you love and use it so they can experience the love you have for them. Here is the challenge: Your love language, which is your default for loving others, may not be the love language of your husband.
My wife turns my world upside down in the best ways when she speaks my love language to me. I know this is a skill she developed because what fuels my love engine is not what fuels hers. When she uses the love language that speaks to me, she makes me feel like a hero. I feel understood. I feel blessed, humbled, and accepted. I feel loved by her. It is the greatest thing. It makes a difference because I know she is not just trying to love me. She actually is.
If you want to know more about love languages, click here.
BTW…her love for me motivated me to discover the language of her heart, but that is not why she did it. That’s not love. Real, genuine love is sacrificial. Knowing and using your husband’s love language will cost you, but the difference you will make in his life, which ultimately impacts your life, will be worth the price.
3) She practices what the Bible calls “noble character.” (Proverbs 12:4)
Noble character is an interesting biblical trait specifically used to describe the integrity, strength, and tenderness of a wife. In a world fixated on equality, the scriptures point to a unique disposition that only a wife can bring to the marriage relationship.
My wife’s integrity, strength, and tenderness make a big difference in my life. I can trust her. I don’t second guess her words or actions. I can count on her. Her strength for doing life with me will not fade in difficult seasons. She will make the tough, good choices and follow through. Her tenderness will not turn to leather because of harsh realities. She remains approachable even though I may be prickly.
How does she do this? How does she grow in integrity, strength, and tenderness when life is throwing curveballs? She reads! (Well, it is more than just reading, but it starts there.)
She humbly reads the Bible and submits herself to the truth it reveals; but she also reads autobiographies of women who have noble character.
The Scriptures provide the truth. The autobiographies provide examples.
I’ve seen my wife have the integrity of Ruth Graham, the strength of Condoleezza Rice, and the tenderness of Marie Monville. The Spirit of God uses the Scriptures combined with modern-day examples of godly women to shape my wife’s noble character…and my life is blessed because of it. I reap the benefits of her humility and determination to be a wife of noble character.
Nicolas Sparks wrote this about marriage: “So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you forever, everyday. You and me…everyday.”
My wife has never used those words with me, but she has behaved that way from the start. I see her fleshing out those words with the habits I have tried to describe in this post…and its made a big difference in me.