Grenades of Goodness

I’m on vacation and my heart has a conflict in it. Don’t misunderstand…I’m having a great vacation! That is part of the conflict. Let me see if I can explain.

My journey with Christ has been dull recently. I hope I don’t shock you with those words (if I did…you think too highly of me). I’ve been walking with Christ for over three decades and this is not the first time I’ve hit a lull. Maybe you understand what I’m talking about…my times with the Lord seem to be one-sided (that is…I’m the only one showing up). Well, maybe I should back up. As of late, its been a personal struggle to even commit some time to the Lord. It’s not because I don’t have time. It’s because when I sit down with my Bible or when I try to talk to the Lord, I just can’t seem to connect with Him. I know He is there. I don’t doubt His presence or His love. I just don’t know what to say. I don’t know where to start. Prayer seems difficult and the Bible seems like a book I just can’t get into…on a personal level. So, my times with the Lord have become awkward… dry.

You want to know what is odd? Preparing sermons or Bible studies is not a struggle. I sit down and ask the Lord to show me what I should share from His word with His people and BAM! He guides me…gives me ideas…and gives me a message. I credit this to all the wonderful people praying for God’s kingdom to grow. It is so strange to hear people say, “God spoke to me through that message” knowing that I am personally having a difficult time hearing God’s voice in my own my life. This whole preaching thing is a wonderful mystery. I will never figure it out.

I digress. So…I’m on vacation (only 3 days in) and my heart and mind is being bombarded with the goodness of God. Now…I’m still struggling to pray and spend time in the Word, but its like God is lobbing grenades of goodness that keep exploding around me. It began with Cherry and I getting a hotel room without any kids (they are all staying with my parents). We’ve been able to talk (and do other things) without interruption. What a blessing this woman is to me! As I spend these uninterrupted moments with her it is as if God is saying, “Enjoy.” And in the recess of my mind I think…God you are so good to me. I can’t even have a meaningful conversation with You right now and you are showing goodness to me.

The next explosion of goodness came when I read on Facebook all the shout-outs to Pastor Stephen. People were encouraged by his teaching/preaching. I can’t tell you how happy this made my heart. I began to think of all the wonderful people God has placed around me. Again, God began showing His goodness to me as I thought of each of these individuals…their dedication to the Lord and His people…their talents and skills they use to build His kingdom…their partnership with me to make disciples of Christ.

2017vacationThe next blast took place when we took the family to my cousin’s house for a gathering of extended family. It was awesome! A total of forty-four aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews and cousins all in one place to play, reconnect and once again be reminded we are not alone on this planet. I come from a long line of people who know how to have fun and love the Lord. It was a good day. A day where once again God was saying, “Cary, I love you.” And in the back of my mind I’m thinking…Father, why are you so good to me right now. I can’t even read your Word on a personal level.

2017 zooWe went to the zoo. No one can walk around the zoo and not be reminded of the awesome creativity and power of God. With each animal, common and exotic, I was reminded of God’s presence. He created all this beauty and wonder and oddities (have you seen a sloth lately…it only moves 120 feet a day and that is usually when it has to poop!) for us to enjoy and scratch our heads over. Again, it was God reminding me of His goodness to me…to all of us.

Walking with the Lord feels one-sided on some days (that is, me doing all the work). On other days it feels like he is the One carrying the load to remind me of who He is and who I am (that’s where I am right now). However, there are some days when the walk fleshes out more like a partnership. Each of us working in tandem with the other to accomplish His greater plan. Those are good days. Those are the days I want to come back. Until then, I will keep enjoying His bursts of goodness to me. I do know this; with each detonation my heart longs to walk in the unison I know is possible (and my vacation is only half-way done).

The Heart Under Attack

I watched the news today. By the time it was over, my heart was under attack. It doesn’t happen often while catching up on world events, but today was different. It was no particular story that troubled me (I found them all to be disheartening in some way). I think it was just the dread of all the stories combined that caused my heart to feel assaulted. Evil appears to be thriving. Each day people under its influence find a new way to display its ugliness. Terrorism, which used to be groups trying to obtain weapons of mass destruction, has morphed into radicalized individuals who create homemade bombs, use cars as bullets and induce fear by wielding a knife when they can’t find a gun. Domestic violence used to be arguments behind closed doors that got out of hand. Now, we find children being assaulted (even murdered) by their parents; and I’m not even taking the time to describe the hateful things husbands, wives, boyfriends and girlfriends are doing to each other. Banks used to be robbed and thousands of dollars were stolen. Today, hedge-fund managers take millions from people’s retirements, health savings accounts and whatever else they can siphon. We’ve always known political parties disagree with each other, but now it appears they are out to destroy each other…no matter what it takes.

I turned the news off and my heart just felt…blah. As I tried to pick myself up off the couch to go be a responsible human being, I was tempted with the thought What difference does it make? All the right living you are trying to do; really, what difference does it make? The world is collapsing and you can’t change it. That is how you know when your heart is under attack. It wants to give up. It wants to quit. It becomes self-centered, cautious and seeking self-preservation at all cost. Funny, but on the tail end of that thought I was reminded of a scene from “The Lord of Rings: The Two Towers.” King Theoden had led his people to the stronghold at Helms Deep to escape the Orc army. The Orcs attack and overrun the stronghold. King Theoden, along with his closest warriors and Aragon, have barricaded themselves in a large room. The Orcs are getting ready to push their way through. The camera flashes to the king’s face. He looks despondent, overwhelmed. And then he utters, “What can man do in the face of such evil?” That is what I felt.

Aragon hears the king’s words and recalls a promise that was made to him by the wizard, Gandolf. Gandolf told Aragon, “In 3 days, look for me in the east as the sun rises.” It was day 3. It was time for the promise to be fulfilled. Aragon, upon recalling the promise, turns to the king and says, “Ride with me. Let’s fight.” If you’ve seen the movie you know what happens next. They mount their horses and ride out of their barricaded room to find Gandolf approaching from the east with a large army. The Orcs are defeated and evil is held at bay.

As followers of Jesus Christ, we are waiting for his return. One day he will come and rescue his people from the onslaught of evil, but what do we do until that day gets here? Are we supposed to barricade ourselves in our churches, private schools and home Bible study groups? Are we suppose to huddle up and just hope the doors hold until Jesus comes? I don’t think so. I think we are to combat evil in this world, but our weapons are not the traditional, man-made kind. We don’t fight with a bigger gun, a new political movement or our Christian apparel. Evil is not defeated with hate, political parties or trendy clothing. To take on evil God’s people must use the following strategies:

  1. Strengthen Our Hearts with God’s Promises

When the heart is under attack, it needs strength to survive and overcome. We can’t muster up the strength needed to face evil in these days. We need supernatural strength not a false hope manufactured from human wisdom or optimism. Leaning into and trusting the promises of God can only produce the kind of power I’m talking about. I don’t have the space to cut and paste all of God’s promises that provide strength. If you want your heart to be strengthened and encouraged…if you want hope to rise up in you like the Hulk awakens inside of David Banner…then read these verses and believe them: Isaiah 41:10, Romans 8:35-39, 1 John 5:4-5. These are just the beginning. Hundreds more await our discovery, but they will not find us. We must read the Bible to find them. Once our hearts have been strengthened, we can start standing up to the evil that is out to intimidate us.

  1. Practice Courage

Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is doing the right thing even when you’re afraid. It would be nice if doing the right thing always ended with a reward, but that is not the case. We know that doing the right thing can open the door to more stress or trouble. And folks, that’s why we need courage. God has expectations for the way his people ought to live, and everyone else has expectations for us too. Civic leaders, bosses, our families, the coaches we play for, the people we fall in love with…they all want us to respond to life a certain way. But what if their way conflicts with what God expects from us? The Bible says it this way, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” (Romans 12:2) God’s will is always good, but most of the time it takes courage to do it. And when we do God’s will, we are combating evil.

  1. Learn to love

I’m not talking about the pop, feel good love that promotes spineless tolerance of all behavior in the name of not judging right from wrong. I’m referring to the kind of love that sees humans as creatures created in God’s image. The kind of love that believes the purpose of humanity is greater than the comfort of humanity. This love is rare and it is rooted in the character of God. After all, God is love. What does this love look like? “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Jesus described it this way, “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!” (Matthew 5:43-44) I know it defies logic, but when we love and pray for our enemies (domestic and foreign) we are combating evil. I don’t know exactly how this plays out on the world stage, but what we are currently doing seems to have limited success. Jesus went on to say, “Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.” (Matthew 24:12-14) Did you see it? Our efforts to love our enemy is God’s will when we are facing evil; and it is the display of God’s love in those moments that will open doors for the Gospel to reach into all nations. Then, he will fulfill his promise. He will come and rescue his people. Just like Gandolf showed up at the right time, so will the Lord Jesus. The goal is to be found standing firm against the darkness…not barricaded in a place of safe living.

After watching the news and recognizing what was happening to my heart, I went and got my bible. Once I opened its pages, I found strength for my heart. Courage returned…I thought I will do what I know God has asked me to do. I will keep listening to Him. I will love those who don’t love me or know me.  I will fight today.

Teaching Money Skills

Caleb (my oldest son) just graduated from high school and will be leaving soon to attend college. When he was in the 7th grade, Cherry and I opened a bank account for him. With this account he received a checking account, a savings account and a debit card

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA(scared us to death…but because it was a minor account we had access and control over it…all from my smart phone). At that point we started giving him a monthly allowance and began teaching him how to manage money. Ever since the 7th grade Caleb has paid for his own clothes, shoes, school supplies, sports accessories, video games and activities with friends (We told him we would always cover mission trips, ministry events and ministry projects). When this adventure began I explained to him that he would receive an allowance at the beginning of each month. I also explained he would not get more money until the first of the next month.

It was challenging sometimes. He discovered quickly (like the rest of us) that he did not have enough money to purchase every item he wanted and attend every friend-induced activity. Several times he wasn’t able to purchase a “need” because he had already spent his money on a “want.” It was tough watching him go to school with worn-out shoes or pants that were too short because he had already spent his allowance. He would look at me with his puppy eyes as if to say, “Want you please help me?” I would simply say to him, “Are you enjoying the latest tunes on your playlist?” or “Did you make it to the fifth level of your new video game?” He got the point. He was a quick learner.

Teaching kids about money is one of the most important skills parents can offer their children. However, through this experience (and the ongoing lessons that are unfolding with our other 3 boys) Cherry and I have learned there is more to it than just adding, subtracting and keeping up with receipts. If we want our kids to have a Godly view of money and learn how to use it properly, they need to learn two attitudes and one habit. We also discovered good money practices are more “caught” than “taught.” In other words, we have to practice these skills as well as explain them. The old adage “do as I say and not as I do” does not work with money. Here are the three things we have to practice and explain:

1) Practice and Explain Contentment

It is impossible in our American culture to have healthy money management skills without learning contentment. Every commercial screams, “You deserve this…” or “You can’t be happy unless…” or “People will not like you until…” Our kids start hearing these messages early. Passing contentment to them is difficult because so few of us ever find it. Being content does not mean we don’t desire to do our best or seek to improve or replace worn out items. It doesn’t mean we are to be perpetually satisfied no matter what happens. So what does it mean?

The Apostle Paul wrote, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him [Jesus Christ] who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:12-13) Practicing contentment begins with knowing Jesus Christ and allowing him to strengthen us whether we are in need or have plenty. Both situations can influence people to make bad choices (just read some headlines if you don’t believe that). Content people are able to see the big picture regardless of their financial status. What is the big picture? Here it is…don’t miss this. When we are in need, Christ will take care of us (we don’t have to worry or fear). When we have more than we need, Christ is trying to do something through us (Have you ever wondered why God allows people to have more than they need? Does he really want us to have continual stuff upgrades just because we can?). People who learn this secret lean on Christ and use his power to navigate either situation. it is a hard attitude to teach our children unless we as parents are willing to practice it and explain it. If we are financially content, then our kids can easily see what comes next.

2) Practice and Explain Generosity

Content people are not reluctant to be generous. Most people think they would be more generous if they had more wealth. However, generosity is not linked to our bank accounts. It is linked to our contentment. Kids are generally more content when they are young (before they begin to understand the “haves” and “have-nots” of the world); therefore, they tend to be more naturally generous. I remember one time our church was taking up an offering to combat world hunger. Each child was given a plastic rice bowl piggy bank and asked to fill it with spare change. Caleb came home, emptied his Yogi Bear piggy bank, filled his rice bowl and asked for another rice bowl because he had change left over. It did not bother him at all to give everything he had away. How could he do that? Because he was completely content. He knew he would be taken care of and he knew he had more than he needed. Being generous seemed like the only natural thing to do.

As we get older and “wiser?” we loose the ability to be that carefree because we have financial obligations. Jesus taught the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth would “choke” the very truth of God’s word from our hearts. (Matthew 13:22) We as parents have to push back against the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth or we will not be generous. And if we are not generous, our teens won’t be generous either.

I’m not the first person to do this, but on several occasions while eating out at a restaurant, I would ask the boys to pick someone in the room and we would anonymously pay their bill. It was always fun because they would really get into it. My sole purpose for doing this was to model generosity and have a discussion about it. This is not the only way to do it. Cherry and I have done other things too, but the point is that our kids need to see us practice and explain generosity. I can’t tell you how proud I’ve been of Caleb (or one of the other boys) when I’ve seen him practice generosity on his own. It makes me throw my chest out and walk a little taller.

Content people practice generosity and generous people generally practice this next habit.

3) Practice and Explain a Budget

We may practice generosity spontaneously, but it is a budget that allows us to be spontaneous. Contentment and generosity are attitudes we display in financial decisions. A budget is a habit we develop to give us a plan with our finances. The very first time I gave Caleb his monthly allowance I explained a budget by using this simply formula. I told him, “Give 10% of your allowance to the Lord. Put 10% of your allowance into savings. Learn to live off of 80%.” For months I told him this…over and over again.

Giving to the Lord is the most important financial decision a person can make. Most think I can’t afford to give to the Lord. I’ve learned I can’t afford not to give to the Lord. The most popular verse in the bible is John 3:16. That verse starts with these words: “For God so loved the world that he GAVE…” I think we are most like God when we are giving. He is constantly giving to us and the first person I need to give to is Him. It shows I trust Him, I love Him, I obey Him and I am thankful for His care of me. I explained to Caleb early that I give to the Lord, and because of that, we have always had what we needed. I simply dared him to try it.

I also explained that he needed to take 10% of his allowance and put into his savings account. Money in a savings account does two things. First, it allows us to have the freedom to be generous. Second, it frees us to take care of needs that pop up unexpectedly (car repairs, clothes for a special event, phone replacement, etc.)

Last, I emphasized learning to live on 80%. People who live on 80% don’t have credit card problems. They don’t live paycheck to paycheck. They learn to live within their means and they’re lives are less financially stressed. If you don’t believe this formula works, I dare you to try it…that is if you can. Many people are so financially strapped that even the thought of following this plan creates a sleepless night. And that is exactly why I started teaching it to Caleb when he was in the 7th grade. I don’t want him to have sleepless nights when they can be avoided.

What is Sin?

I have been reluctant to write about this. The title alone can create the feeling we have when hearing a dentist’s drill in our mouth. No one wants to talk about sin. It can be offensive, come across as judgmental and make us feel bad. YUCK!

Generally, two thoughts occur when the topic of sin comes up. First, a person who goes to church (or used to) thinks, “I know what sin is…we don’t have to talk about it.” The other thought, which comes to those who have never been to church (or used to go) is “Great…here is someone who is going to judge the way I am living my life.” It’s unfortunate these thoughts fill our brain when sin is mentioned because it keeps us from hearing about one of the most important spiritual topics that exists. Sin, and our understanding of what it is and what it does, is the one thing that will determine our ability to interact with God.

So, before I lose you…let’s get to it. What is sin? The answer has 3 parts.

1. To sin is to miss the mark.

It sounds pretty harmless, but imagine an archer shooting an arrow and missing the bull’s eye. Literally, this is what it means to sin. God has an intended target for every thought, attitude and action of our lives. Let that sink in…He has a bull’s eye for EVERY thought, attitude and action for every day of our life. When we miss hisMissingtheTarget bull’s eye, we sin. If my thoughts (and I’m talking about the things I dwell on…not fleeting non-sense) are not the plans he intended for me to have in the situation I am experiencing…well…I am sinning. The same holds true for my attitudes and actions. If we are not careful the reality of this truth can be overwhelming. Who can always do what God intended for them to do in their thoughts, attitudes and actions? Who can be that good…that perfect? No one. And that is the point. The bible says, “For all have sinned.” (Romans 3:23) We have all missed the mark. This leads us to the second part of the answer.

2. To sin is to offend God.

It’s not that we are trying to do this on purpose. I don’t think anyone wakes up and thinks, “What can I do today to offend God?” Truth is most of us don’t think of God and his intended bull’s eyes for us. Instead, we think about what we want. We aim for the targets we are trying to hit. The problem with this: our targets are self-centered. We are ignoring our Creator and missing all of his intended targets. Sinning is more than just making a bad choice or hurting someone, it is ignoring your Creator. Paul wrote this about sin, “For the wages of sin is death.” (Romans 6:23) When we sin we earn death. Death in this verse does not mean “cease to exist.” It means “loss of intended purpose that can’t be restored.” Think of a light bulb that burnt-out-light-bulb-images-collection-medium-standard-screw-base-arbitrary-incandescent-lamps-overpowered-filament-lifehas burned out. The bulb does not cease to exist when the filament inside breaks or burns out. The bulb exists. It just can’t shine and no one can repair it. It has lost its intended purpose and it cannot be restored. Once we sin, our filament breaks and it cannot be repaired. No matter how hard we try we cannot make ourselves shine again. We have offended God with our sin. We have lost our purpose and the ability to ever hit one of his intended targets.

3. To sin is to enter into slavery.

Sin is addictive. It has more attraction than the combined pull of every addictive substance and deed in our society. Why? Because it comes from within us. It is in our core. It thrives on this entitlement: It is your life, therefore, do what you want. Once we begin to drink that poison and believe it is truth, we are hooked. And like any chained_hands_free_photo1-690x457other addiction, we have moments where we act like it is not in control, but we always default back to it. We get used to ignoring our Creator. Our nature becomes conditioned to only aim for the target we want. We become drunk on satisfying self. No one is immune to this. No one can escape its pull. Not even Paul, the man who God inspired to write much of the New Testament, could escape the pull of sin. Speaking of his personal struggles with sin he wrote, “I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.” (Romans 7:14)

Wow! This is heavy stuff. It’s heavy because I know I’ve sinned. It brings your soul discomfort because you know you’ve sinned too. We have all missed the mark. We are all burned out light bulbs. We are all enslaved. Before we lose all hope, let’s go back to a verse I introduced earlier. I only shared part of it, but let’s look at the whole thing. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death (remember that part?), but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Sin keeps us from being able to interact with God, but God planned a way for us to get around it. His plan…the life, crucifixion, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. His plan is a gift to us. Gifts can’t be earned or deserved. They can only be received and treasured. And, gifts reflect the heart of the Giver, which stirs our desire to know the Giver even more.

The verse says, “…the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” When we read that we think eternal life is something that begins after we die, but in this verse it means eternal life begins the moment we accept the gift that came through Jesus. Have you ever taken a burned out light bulb to a repair shop? Nope. Those repairmen don’t exist. However, God’s gift of Jesus restores our light. Through Christ we can start hitting God’s intended purpose in our thoughts, attitudes and actions. We will never be perfect at it, but we will begin to have moments when we are doing exactly what God created us to do. And with time, as our faith grows, we will begin to string those moments together. Eventually, living by faith will become both our lifestyle and our challenge.

I have the privilege and the burden of being a spiritual leader. That means I have to talk about topics people find unpleasant (like sin) and challenge them to decide what they are going to do. To do nothing is a decision. I hope that is not your choice. Instead, I encourage you to accept God’s gift and let faith begin to grow.


The best place to define sin and discuss its outcome is at home with our children. Obviously, you want to use age appropriate language and communicate that God loves us even though we have sinned (a.k.a. He is not ticked off or angry with us because we have sinned). It is important for our kids to understand that when they sin they have not just disobeyed their parents, they have sinned against God. The danger and addiction of sin starts early, so the sooner they can grasp the concept of sin the better off they will be in turning away from it. I can’t stress this enough…find loving and affirming ways to discuss sin with your children. Never use God as a source of communicating your anger when your child misbehaves or makes a bad choice.

The Happier People

I’ve noticed something: some people get better in hardship while others just get bitter. Why is that?

For instance, Jane and Mary go to the same church and both lose their jobs. They have encountered the same challenge, yet their reactions are very different.

Jane prays and can’t sleep. Mary prays and experiences a “peace” she can’t explain. Jane comes to church with a worried, shriveled face. Mary enters the building with concern, but a smile. Jane urgently asks others to pray for her. Mary tends to be praying for people. Jane doesn’t have time to serve because she is looking for a job. Mary volunteers because she is in between jobs. Jane feels she can’t afford to give to the Lord. Mary believes she can’t afford not to give. The reactions are strikingly different. Maybe I notice this because I play the unique role of pastor in each person’s life.

Along with these differences, I also notice Mary posses five habits Jane is lacking. Let me describe them to you.

5 Habits to Cultivate Joy

1) Mary strives to bring glory to God. She takes seriously the command to “find out what pleases the Lord” and then she does it. Her attitudes, thoughts, and actions bring a smile to God. She is committed to this habit when things are going her way and when life is a struggle. To put it bluntly, her circumstances are secondary to her purpose. She is more concerned about pleasing God than herself or anyone else.

2) Mary enjoys God’s gift of community. Paul wrote “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” God provides a place for people to belong. A place where they can do life together “with one another in love.” Mary has decided to spend her life practicing loving others unselfishly in the context of a church family. Being humble, gentle, patient, and forgiving doesn’t work best with strangers. They greatest impact takes place when we use them among those who know us and among those with whom we have committed to know: God’s family.

3) Mary applies God’s Word to her life. She doesn’t just know what the Bible says. She attempts to practice what the Bible says.  James, Jesus’ half brother, said it this way, “Don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.”

4) Mary is looking for ways to serve others. She is not ignoring her own needs, but she does not let personal needs dominate her life. She has learned the balancing act Paul described when he wrote, “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” While Mary is serving others she is trusting God will provide for her.

5) Finally, Mary finds a way to introduce Jesus to the people her circumstances bring to her. Jesus’ last command before ascending to heaven was “go and make disciples.” The word “go” means “as you go.” In other words, Mary doesn’t wait for mission trips or service projects or Sunday morning to talk about Jesus. She communicates her faith in Christ as her life unfolds…daily if possible.

There is only a one letter difference between a bitter person and a better person. If we quit focusing on the “i” and instead focus on these habits, we become a better person through Christ.

Better people tend to be happier people. Are you like Jane or Mary?

The Other Cost of Obedience

I have been trying to obey Christ since high school (trust me, some days are better than others). Therefore, I am familiar with the idea that following Jesus costs me something. Because I’ve been doing this for a while, I am okay with this principle. I don’t always like it, but I am not put off by it anymore. I understand that when I follow Jesus in a real life situation, (which is not what I’m naturally wired to do) I’m going to have to give up a more natural response to obey Him in that moment. The “thing” I give up is the cost to obey Him. For example, there is the guy who ran the red light and almost plowed into me. I wanted to display my anger to him, but obeying Jesus means I don’t use hand gestures and words that might be natural in that moment. To obey Jesus means I forfeit the satisfaction of displaying my anger in an ungodly way. It is a small, petty example; but the principle remains: If we are going to obey Christ, it is going to cost us some “thing” in the moment.

The cause and effect described above is familiar to any person who is trying to follow Christ. This is not a new principle. However, we rarely discuss the other cost that comes when we commit ourselves to obeying Christ.

Let’s consider Simon of Cyrene. Are you familiar with this fellow? We don’t know much about him, but we do know he was a dad and he was in Jerusalem the day Jesus was being executed. The Gospel writer Mark introduces us to Simon with these words:

A certain man from Cyrene, Simon, the father of Alexander and Rufus, was passing by on his way in from the country, and they forced him to carry the cross. (Mark 15:21)

We don’t know why he was in the city that day, but whatever his plans were they got changed. Not because he was doing anything wrong. Not because he changed his mind and wanted to do something else. His plans got changed because Jesus was being obedient. simon of cyreneHe was giving His life up in obedience to the will of the Father. And on that day, in that moment, Jesus’ obedience cost Simon. Simon was inconvenienced, separated from his agenda, and forced into an uncomfortable moment all because Jesus was being obedient. Not only did Simon not give permission for the moment, as far as we know, he did not even have a head’s up that it was coming. Simon’s memories of that day were forever forged and his life would not be the same.

We all understand the personal cost we endure when we choose to obey Jesus, but rarely do we pause to consider what it costs others around us. I remember when God was calling me to be the pastor of a church in California. At the time my family lived about 20 minutes away from my parents. That meant grandparents and grandkids could get together almost weekly…and they did. I was excited to obey God in the call and I was willing to pay the cost to follow. I recall sitting with my parents and sharing the news with them. Guess what the first words out of my dad’s mouth were? “You mean we are not going to get to see the boys grow up?” He did not say it with anger or disapproval. He said it with sorrow and loss. He was having a Simon of Cyrene moment. My obedience was costing him. I can’t apologize to my dad for that moment any more than Jesus could apologize to Simon. Obedience comes with a cost and sometimes the cost is paid by more than just the immediate follower.

What can we do with these moments? There is no way to undo them. However, two things can be done. First, when your obedience to God’s will costs someone else, greet their frustration and tears with gratitude, patience and understanding (especially if it is your spouse…they always pay a price when you follow God). Don’t minimize their pain by justifying that you are paying a greater cost (even if you are). That would be like Jesus looking at Simon and saying, “Put on your big boy pants and quit your groaning. I’m the one dying today.” Validate their discomfort and cry with them. Only use words when necessary.

Second, when the time is right, remind them of this truth. When we lose a comfort or a dream or close relationship because of obedience to Christ, we will gain it back with interest in this life and in the life to come. Jesus said it this way when talking to his disciples about the cost of obedience: “I assure you that everyone who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or property, for my sake and for the Good News, will receive now in return a hundred times as many houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and property—along with persecution. And in the world to come that person will have eternal life.” (Mark 10:29-30)

When obeying Christ, there will always be trouble or sorrow or loss…some kind of cost. The cost will be paid by the follower and many times by those who are close to the follower. However, there is a promise of getting back what was lost in the act of obedience. Let that promise become your anchor when facing the storms of obedience.

God’s Car Seat

Everyday, moms and dads physically pick up their small children, strap them in a car seat and take them to various places. Sometimes their destination is a fun place like the park or the zoo. Other times the journey is to a place that might be uncomfortable or scary like the doctor’s office or Wal-Mart (Have you seen some of the people who shop at Wal-Mart?). No matter…the parent does not ask the kid’s permission when taking these little trips. It is just assumed the parent has the best interest of the child in mind and the child will just have to go. If it were not for the existing relationship between the parent and child, these little trips would be classified as abductions.

Imagine how it must feel for the child. She is sitting on the floor entertaining herself when dad walks in and lovingly takes her up in his arms. Her toys and imaginary play world is rudely interrupted by this bigger, stronger person. He is kind but, to be honest, is also inconsiderate. He says affirming words and has a big smile on his face, but because she is only 2 she doesn’t really understand everything he is saying. She did understand the word “go” and the word “no” when she pointed to remains of her play world left scattered on the floor. She understands she will not be alone, but she has no idea what the day holds as he straps her in to her car seat. For a moment she tries to resist and even begins to pout, but her dad just smiles and overpowers her futile attempts to leave her temporary restraints. The car cranks and begins moving. She has no idea where they are going. Even if her dad tried to explain, she probably would not understand. She doesn’t recognize most of the words he uses and his logic, no matter how hard he might try to explain, is just beyond her capability. She has a choice as they pull out of the driveway. She can scream and cry all the way on this mysterious journey or she can trust her dad and try to find something enjoyable in the ride.

Believe it or not, our relationship with the Heavenly Father is not much different at times. He may not physically sweep us off our feet, but He can certainly start a journey in our life without our permission. He may not strap us in a car seat, but He can allow circumstances to limit our options. And guess what? He is not obligated to always explain to us what is happening or where the journey is going to take us. Even if He did, we probably would not recognize all of His words or comprehend all of His thoughts. The Lord said it this way when speaking to the prophet Isaiah, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9) God is not implying that He thinks and acts differently than we do. He is proclaiming that His thought process, His plans and His actions are better than ours.

It seems cruel doesn’t it? If not cruel at least unfair. God has the power to interrupt our life. He is bigger and stronger. He sees the world and our lives from a different perspective. He understands things and knows stuff that we don’t know. He uses a language we don’t always understand. His goals, objectives, agendas, and schedule just don’t make sense to us. His timing seems odd many days and when we are completely satisfied in the moment He decides to set us on a new adventure. It feels just like that little girl being strapped into a car seat.

When God moves this way in our life we have a choice. We can start kicking and screaming (most of us do this with our attitudes and habits) or we can trust God, believe He is good and start looking for the enjoyable moments in the journey. Admittedly, we don’t know where we are going. It could be one of the best adventures we’ve ever had, or it could be an uncomfortable life lesson we desperately need. The key to surviving these divine interruptions is trusting the character of the Father. If it were not for our enjoyment or for our correction, He would not have interrupted our life. We have to be okay not understanding what He is doing…and that is hard to do without an ever growing trust in Him. If we could understand everything God was doing then He would no longer be God.

Maybe you are on one of these journeys right now. If so, I encourage you to trust Him and be patient. As we grow in our relationship with the Almighty, there will be times He explains what He is doing. However, some days He is the Father who owes no explanation. He is just doing what needs to be done. Trust Him.

5 Things that Shaped Me

I have a difficult time finding the right adjectives to describe my life. Happy, blessed, amazing, fun, adventurous, good,…all of these would work. However, none of them could stand-alone and completely describe it. Even when putting them all together, it still seems as though something is missing.

I’m happily married (26 yrs. to the same beautiful woman). I have four sons (2 biological and 2 adopted…and they all still talk to me). I’m not drowning in debt. I’ve traveled. I have friends from the Atlantic to the Pacific. I’m relatively successful at what I do. My peers respect me. I even like myself (well…most of the time). Don’t get me wrong. I still have problems. I regularly deal with difficult people. I fail sometimes. But I can tell you, my life is not a sad country song.

How did I get this incredible life? I know my blessings come from my Heavenly Father, but I’ve been thinking, “God has used both good and bad to make me who I am. He has used pleasant as well as painful events to shape me.” Allow me to share with you 5 individuals/events that became molding moments in my life.

1) My Parents Relationship with Each Other (a.k.a. their marriage)

My parents adored each other. They did not have a perfect marriage, but no one doubted the love they had for one another. They had arguments (like the time dad cut up mom’s credit card), but rarely in front of me. I knew they were together, that “they” were before “me,” and I would not come between them. Parenting today is not for sissy’s.  Moms and dads are made to feel guilty if they don’t let their kids be the center of the universe. Let me tell you…the best thing parents can give their kids is a happy marriage, and for that to happen, the kids (and their activities) can’t be the center of attention. I know how to act in my marriage because I had a good example to follow. I didn’t know this when I was growing up, but I see it now. Their marriage helped shape me.

2) My Home Church

A very unique thing happened to me when I was growing up. My family stayed in the same church for over 2 decades. That’s right…from birth until I left for college I attended the same church. It was not a church free from problems or scandals (I saw 3 pastors have very public, moral failures). My parents chose to stay when things got uncomfortable and others left. As a result, I also got to see the power and grace of God work among imperfect people. I went to kids camp and attended youth retreats. My parents always budgeted for those things and encouraged me to attend. I don’t ever remember being forced to go to church. I wanted to go. I made solid friendships there, heard God’s voice there, received His grace there and began to serve Him there. I didn’t notice it when it was happening, but I see it today. God was shaping me through those experiences and relationships. Just a word of advice to the popular reaction of church hopping when things get messy: its hard to spiritually grow up if we keep uprooting ourselves and re-planting in a new place.

3) High School Football

Football was my favorite sport. One week at practice (I was a junior), I had a string of exceptional days. As a result, I became the starting running back. A dream come true. During the game I wasn’t so exceptional. After getting tackled for a loss the coach called me to the sideline, grabbed my face-mask and yelled, “You are only good for practice!” He then shoved me aside. I was crushed. I was embarrassed. I was shamed. For the rest of the season I never entered a game again. I thought often about quitting, but a thought entered my head one day after a particularly difficult practice. Was I playing football for my coach or was I playing football to represent Christ and have a good time? Once I answered that question, I never thought about leaving the team again. So it is with adversity in life. Ever since then when I have encountered difficult situations that seem unfair or cruel, I ask myself, “Why am I doing this?” If I can’t bring it back to Christ. I stop doing it. If I can, I press on. My senior year I got to lead one of my teammates to Christ. If I had quit…well…that would not have happened. God used adversity to shape me.

4) My Mentor

When I was 17, I felt called to the ministry. By 19, I was the pastor of a small country church in northwest Alabama. Wow…a lot happened in those two years, but one of the best friendships I’ve ever had began at that time. His name was Bobby and he became my mentor in the ministry. He was in his late fifties enduring the illness of Muscular Dystrophy. I was a sophomore in college. On weekend nights my college friends went to gatherings or on road trips. Me, well I was hanging out with Bobby preparing sermons, visiting people, or planning a church activity. It was a bittersweet time. Many days I would experience frustration because I felt I wasn’t having the typical college experience; and on other days, I was soaking up the wisdom of someone who was teaching me how to do what God had created me to do. It was during this season of my life I learned to be teachable. I gave Bobby permission to ask me difficult questions, to challenge me spiritually and emotionally. The pay off…he taught me how to be a spiritual leader and laid the foundation for many of the professional habits I still practice today. Bobby is with the Lord now, but ever since my time with him, I have always had a Godly man in my life whom I have given permission to challenge me. I learned with Bobby that God shapes me through mentors.

5) My First Real Failure

I was the pastor at a rural church in south central Kentucky. The church (filled with many good people) was primarily led by one family. For the sake of this blog, let’s call them the Smith family. I was in my late twenties, cocky and arrogant. I had just earned my masters degree and I truly felt I could take on hell with a water pistol. The Smith’s were well established in the community and held all the major leadership roles in the church. They also had nothing to do with my interview and hiring. I learned later that not one Smith family member supported me when I became their pastor. Needless to say, we did not play well with each other. They were mean to me (not my wife…just me). They thwarted every effort I made to lead the church and because I was such a Godly person I responded with love, forgiveness, grace and kindness. WRONG! Unfortunately, instead of being Christ-like I was Cary-like…and I almost got fired. They encouraged people to stop giving to the church, stop participating in activities, and spread many hurtful rumors about me. The best attended service and largest offering taken at the church (and it was over 100 years old) happened the day I resigned. It was a huge failure in my life, but God used it to shape me. Honestly, I needed that failure. Through that self-inflicted mess, I learned stuff about God, and about myself, that set me up for future success. Without those lessons, I would be a different person today and probably not a better person.

As I stated, God has used both good and bad to shape me. The hope in this is that He is also using the good and bad in your life to shape you. The shaping never stops. I’m still a work in progress, but God used these events/people/experiences to make me who am I to this point in my life. Every good thing comes from above. However, most of the time we don’t realize it was good until we look back.

Faith is a Game Changer

I recently asked an acquaintance if he was a person of faith. I was inquiring because he had some sincere qualities I wanted to know more about. He proceeded to describe himself as a “spiritual person” following a mixture of Hindu teachings, Jewish traditions and Christian values. Basically, he had made up his own moral code. I’ve not spent much time with this young man, but I do get to interact with him on a regular basis. I have found him to be a very pleasant person who loves his wife and kids. He is moral, considerate, hard working and honest. I think he is sincerely trying to follow the rules and expectations he has made for himself, but when I asked him about being a person of faith, he had no idea what I was talking about. Even though he is spiritual, he told me he really does not have faith nor does he know what it is.

A spiritual person and a person of faith are not the same thing. Although these two types of people may have many similarities (they can both have integrity, be kind, generous, honest and sincere), there is one thing that makes them different: faith. A spiritual person has rules, and quite frankly, many of the rules are good ones. Many Hindu, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, Christian, Mormon and just plain citizenship rules are moral and right.

A person of faith has more than rules. They have a gift that motivates them to follow Jesus, know their Creator and walk in the Spirit of God. Have you ever wondered where faith comes from? Paul told his Roman readers, “Faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.” (Romans 10:17) According to this, we cannot just create faith. Faith comes to us when we hear and receive the message of Jesus Christ. Rules are different. We can create rules. Not only can we create rules but we can also pick and choose the rules we want to follow from various different sources…just like my acquaintance above is doing.

Rules are not bad as long as we understand their purpose. The Apostle Paul wrote a letter to a group of people who were struggling with the difference between rules and faith. Notice what he says about the role of rules, he uses the word “law”:

Before the way of faith in Christ was available to us, we were placed under guard by the law. We were kept in protective custody, so to speak, until the way of faith was revealed. Let me put it another way. The law was our guardian until Christ came; it protected us until we could be made right with God through faith. And now that the way of faith has come, we no longer need the law as our guardian.  – Galatians 3:23-25 (NLT)

Rules are good, but they have a limit as to what they can accomplish. Paul calls them a “guardian.” The word means tutor, schoolmaster, or guide. In the Roman Empire the title was given to a trustworthy slave who was charged with the duty of supervising the life and morals of boys belonging to the wealthy citizens of Rome. The boys were not allowed to go anywhere without their guardian until they entered manhood. Literally, their guardian governed every decision they made. How stifling! What pressure they must have endured to please their guardian? What resentment they must have fostered longing for the day to be their own person?

Rules, from any religion or moral code, still stifle, create pressure and foster resentment. However, faith does not do that. Faith, born from receiving and believing the message of Jesus Christ, does not stifle us. It creates freedom for us to be what our Creator designed us to be. Faith does not pressure us. It releases us to live for a purpose greater than ourselves. When we fail, faith does not create resentment (which motivates us to give up). It creates conviction (a desire to change).

The acquaintance I mentioned above is not in a bad place…unless he thinks pleasing the guardian is the goal. His self-made guardian will frustrate him. Eventually, he will either give up (and start throwing out rules) or he will turn to the One who can give him faith (hopefully, I can encourage this). What about you? Are you still under the care of a guardian or have you been given faith because you received and believed the message of Christ?

Believers around the world are celebrating the risen Christ this week. As a result, their faith is practiced, shared and acted upon. They are not keeping rules. They are living out their faith. There is a difference.

Riding Waves

Several years ago Cherry and I had the opportunity to go to Hawaii. We spent a week in Maui enjoying as much of the beautiful island as 7 days would allow. One day we drove to the north side of the island because we were told we could see some huge waves. We were not disappointed.

I grew up in Alabama where the most common vacation destinations are beaches along the Gulf Coast (Destin, Panama City, Orange Beach and Gulf Shores). I’m no stranger to waves. One of our favorite things to do as a family to this day is to play in the ocean. However, the waves on the beaches of Alabama and Florida are nothing like the waves I saw in Maui. Gulf Coast waves reach a height of about 3 feet…and that’s when there is a storm brewing. The Maui waves were 15-20 feet high. They were massive. They intimidated me. I had no desire to enter that water.

Not all people were afraid of the waves that day. Several surfers were thrilled. As I watched them I was amazed at their skill. Sure, some of them fell, but they returned to their boards with grins (and sometimes a grimace) on their faces. If they were scared, I couldn’t see it. In fact, what I saw was determination mixed with joy. They were determined to ride the waves for the thrill of speeding down the mountain of water.

Waves in life (and I’m talking about real waves…not Gulf Coast vacation waves) are things we try to avoid. The Apostle Paul called out some “20 footers” in chapter 8 of Romans. Waves like trouble (the stress of a no win situation), hardship (when we have few options and none of them are pleasant), persecution (being hated or taken advantage of…just because), famine (when basic needs not being met), nakedness (forced vulnerability), danger (staring at a scary, uncertain future) and sword (experiencing a violent crime, act of terrorism, or war). Waves of this nature are not survived with pool noodles and floats. No one can touch bottom and just jump as wave rolls under their chin. When someone is forced into vulnerability and/or taken advantage of, it can drown them. When we lose a home or become a victim of a vicious crime, it can push us to ocean floor.

In this same chapter Paul, filled with the Spirit and inspired by God, makes some outrageous claims about the limitations of these waves and our ability to overcome them. It starts with this promise in verse 28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Remember, Paul had endured many of the waves mentioned above. His inspiration when penning these words did not stem from his stay in a Holiday Inn. He wrote these words while under arrest. He wasn’t claiming hope for something he had not yet received. He was speaking of a hope that he was living off of…a hope he had already tasted.

He then says in verse 37, “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Paul had been pounded with the big waves and he didn’t just conquer them. Through Christ, he had “more than” conquered them. To me, that is what I saw at Maui. The surfers that day were not just riding water. They were “more than” conquering water mountains. They displayed determination as they swam into the waves; failure when they lost their balance, excitement when they stood on their boards and smiles as they rode the wave until it’s power had subsided. They had more than conquered it.

Life is going to have its waves. Some of them will be huge. We can’t just run from the water. Following Jesus, living for him and representing him means we face the waves with determination and the hope of joy. No wave has the power to be our demise. No wave can separate us from God’s love and care. No wave is too big to conquered. Yes, we will be intimidated sometimes. Yes, there will be days we lose our balance. We will all try to avoid these waves and no one wants to play in the water when they roll in. However, the same wave that scares us can also thrill us. With Christ, we are more than conquerors.

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